


When the hunger's all that holds you together

by feverbeats



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24168904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feverbeats/pseuds/feverbeats
Summary: If they've been cut loose from destiny's chains, anything could happen. Something different. (Or nothing different.)
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Tifa Lockhart
Comments: 6
Kudos: 97





	When the hunger's all that holds you together

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished the remake and cannot get this idea out of my head. Spoilers for the original game. Title from "January 31, 438" by the Mountain Goats.

Aerith can imagine the texture of Cloud's hair without ever having touched it. She remembers. She's seen it so many times, felt it so many times. (She's felt Sephiroth's sword go through her so many times. Those things won't come apart from each other in her mind.) But now that she knows Cloud, no part of her wants to touch him. He needs an almost infinite amount of space. He's prickly and anxious and cold.

Aerith needs so much, and none of what she needs matches what he can give. She wonders if the things she saw were wrong, then decides they were just misleading. That's the hard part about catching glimpses of the future, even a future that's set in stone.

There are great swathes of what's to come that she's never seen, but Cloud stands out. Sephiorth stands out.

She's never seen Tifa.

The first time Tifa touches her hand, Aerith's breath catches. The strength of Tifa's fingers curled between hers, the heat, the certainty in Tifa's stance. None of those are things Aerith expected, and they blindside her with want.

The first time Tifa kisses her, Aerith's head spins. Before that she'd thought maybe Tifa was just being nice, or flirty, or--she doesn't know. She's not used to being caught off guard by anything at all. Now everything feels new.

The first time they have sex, Aerith can't stop sobbing afterward. Tifa asks her over and over what's wrong, and she can't say.

She had been ready. She had been peaceful and calm and resigned (and yes, angry, but who wouldn't be?). Now she can feel the future start to open up. Or at least she imagines she does. The path could be as narrow as ever, only the parts that weren't visible are being filled in by things she wants so much it's terrible.

She had never imagined Tifa. It makes her wonder if things could be different.

She wants to say _I love you_ by the time they escape the Shinra building together. Tifa looks at her with so much warmth. She's strong, she's fast, she keeps saving Aerith.

She keeps saving Aerith.

Aerith keeps her mouth shut and doesn't say _I love you_ , doesn't say _I need to be saved._

When the steel skies of Midgar and destiny are stripped away, Aerith wants to fall to her knees and sob. As usual, she just takes a deep breath and smiles. The hideous weight of hope will never leave her now. If they've been cut loose from destiny's chains, anything could happen. Something different. (Or nothing different.)

The terror of knowing that her steps matter keeps her rooted to the ground until Tifa takes her hand and she starts walking.

As they travel over the planet's skin, she learns that Cloud isn't cold at all, just tired, and full of hurt. She still doesn't love him the way she expected to, but she loves him very much. At night she lies on her back with Tifa's head on her chest and she aches and aches. How can she leave this place when it's full of things she never knew she'd have to miss out on?

*

They come to Sleeping Forest so fast it's a shock like being slapped. Aerith doesn't recognize the place at first, but her body does. The panic goes through her in waves, where she thinks calm is supposed to be. She's supposed to accept this. She's supposed to see it coming and be okay with it.

"Hey," Aerith whispers, when they're camped for the night. Her head is on Tifa's chest, this time. Good. She can't stand to look Tifa in the face. She loves her too much, although she still hasn't said those words.

"Hey," Tifa says. "You're awake, too."

"Yeah," Aerith says. She wants to make Tifa promise outrageous and terrible things. To defy fate. To be there in a place where she shouldn't be.

"Aerith…" Tifa sits up, shifting Aerith off her.

Aerith looks off into the trees, her heart beating wildly.

"What's wrong?" Tifa asks. "I know you won't ever tell me, but I'm asking anyway."

In all of Aerith's visions of this time, Tifa has never been there. But Tifa is here now. If Aerith tells her, will that change things? If it does, will she fail to save the planet? Worse, what if there is no right answer?

The words stick in her throat: _I need to be saved._ If she says it now, it will be so much worse when it doesn't happen. Is she even allowed to want something so selfish?

"Hey," Tifa says, putting her hand on Aerith's arm.

Aerith turns to Tifa, and looking at her is so much worse than looking away. Tifa is frowning, worried.

"What can I do?" Tifa says.

"I don't know," Aerith says honestly. She forces a smile. "Kiss me?"

It's the wrong answer, but she can't think how to say anything else.

*

The next day, in the Forgotten City, Aerith is alone. She always knew she'd be here alone. The air is cool, and her wild heartbeat has slowed to a crawl. She sees everything in slow motion. It doesn't matter whether she's all right with it or not, because it's happening.

She hears the sound of someone approaching. The future stretches out before her, blue and unreadable.


End file.
